“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” ~ Marianne Williamson
There are days when I feel worthy, powerful, more than adequate, amazing. I get ready to go out there and let my light shine and then am shoved back into the darkness with questions. Who do I think I am? What do I think I am doing? What would people think?
I am more afraid of what people would think of me, if I embraced the best version of me and announced I have arrived, than the arrival. So I have sat back for the past year hoping the writing, the books, and the blogs would speak for me, share my light. That would be the easy way. Hide behind the words. Then, in my moments of conversation with God, I hear Him tell me to get out there, talk about yourself, don’t be afraid to shine and be okay with wanting all that is in your heart even if others will hold it against you. Yet, I still feel my stomach knot and my heart race at the thought of it.
It is not that I am shy or afraid to promote. If I like someone’s work, words or product, I rush to share with family and friends. Maybe even to the point of annoyance. I was a top-producing financial adviser for two decades. But promote me? That is so wrong. That is boastful and I have better manners than that. It is down right rude to self-promote on any level. So the question comes back to haunt me. Who do I think I am?
How did Oprah, Mick Jagger, Stephen King, and Will Smith become fearless in their own promotion? How did they walk the fine line between arrogance and respected confidence, persistence, and high expectations? How did they stop caring what people might think and concentrate solely on their own interests? We have all read stories of those at the top of their fields who knew who they were, who they were going to be, and where they were going long before they reached that seemingly impossible place. I have a seemingly impossible place I want to go. You may too. And you may be like me, uncomfortable trying to get there, uncomfortable reaching out and saying, “Hey, look at me, I am good at something and you should pay attention to me, my words, my film, my music.”
I know I have to own it, believe in it, embrace it. And I know I have to start trying to show it to people who do not know me, may not even care about me, but could be the one to take me from here to where I want to go. No one gets anywhere on their own. No one. So I pray for guidance and guiders, mentors and advice, flares on the path to follow. I pray for the courage to keep my light shining the whole way even when I feel like I am going to throw up.
I think this next step in my journey will be the hardest yet. I am told to go get it. I don’t feel comfortable. But I know if you want it bad enough, and I do, ego must go, and discipline and hard work must replace it knowing that the chance of opportunity knocking increases with preparedness. I also know that the “tipping point”, the point when you go from no one knowing you to being front and center comes through relentless promotion.
So, say a little prayer for me. A prayer of courage. A prayer to bring the connectors, the boosters, the mentors, to me on my path. A prayer that those asked, will answer the call gladly, willingly a flare on my pathway. A prayer to own the fact that I have been called. I know it is time to step out of my comfort zone and into the purpose set long before I was born. A prayer that even with sweaty palms and racing heart I can overcome fear, embarrassment, and awkwardness and let my light shine. And finally, a prayer that I can confidently answer the question, who do I think I am, for I am a child of God. And the beautiful thing is, so are you.