I have been away for a few days at my Mom’s and been unable to write or have ongoing access to the computer. It has given me some time to really think about where I am going with this and also give me some perspective. I now believe that when you are in the midst of a project that stepping away from it once in a while is valuable.
For two weeks this story consumed me. Before, during and after writing this story, I went through the emotional shift myself. I went from being angry with God and questioning his abilities and my relationship with Him to a brand new perspective. I realized I was angry with Him for something He did not do. He didn’t promise to answer every prayer and fulfill my wish list. I thought he was supposed to do that and if he wasn’t answering my prayers something was wrong with me or with Him. When I realized that what I was going through was necessary to live God’s purpose, everything changed.
With this change came peace.I was so tired of being panicked and worried and frantic about everything. My life was a series of crisis sewn together with anger and frustration. Now, I feel like the burden has been lifted and I do what I am supposed to do and the rest is on God. I have even been thinking about wearing a rubber band on my wrist so that when the old worries start to surface I can snap myself back to faith. It is impossible to be walking with God and experience fear, worry or anger. It is when we step off the path that these feelings become part of our life.
I want to share this message. Now I can’t sleep thinking about what to include in the story and how to get people hooked into the book. Saying this is my passion is a bit of an understatement.
So, I am trying to eliminate the distractions of all I want to include in this story and find a place to start. I need to rein in my enthusiasm and know clearly in my heart where the best point is to begin that will lead into all I want to share. Should I begin with Sam as a child losing her best friend or should I start as an adult losing her business? To me this is so critical that I am almost paralyzed. I am going to send it out to all those who have agreed to be a part of my journey and get some feedback, as well as meditate on it myself.
I just want anyone out there who is struggling to get to where I am. I have been in the valley and I have feared evil and failure and felt despair. I have felt alone on the path. I have been hopeless. I have felt unworthy. I am still in the valley but feel no fear or despair. I feel safe, loved and protected. I want that for you. It doesn’t matter what is on either side of the path. When you are walking with God you are safe.
Psalm 23: 4 (NIV)
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
I hope you find comfort in these words today.