I have been proud to say I am a giver.
The pride came from putting others before me and wanting them to be happy and fulfilled.
Yesterday, after a food delivery gone wrong, I realized the wonderful feeling I got from giving was never all about the intended recipient.
For my sister’s birthday, we ordered Chinese food. An hour later, we were still waiting. The restaurant confirmed the delivery guy had left ages ago and no one knew where our food was.
Here is where the lesson of giving came in.
When he finally did show up with a lame excuse and lukewarm, soggy food, a tip was out of the question.
I paid the bill and thought that it was over.
I’ve been tortured by the fact that I did not tip the delivery guy since he left.
I can’t let it go.
He has long forgotten the incident, unless he got fired.
If I had given him even a dollar, I am sure it would be forgotten. I had an opportunity to give and, even if it was not deserved, I missed it.
The giving was more about me feeling good than him.
“A gift consists not in what is done or given, but in the intention of the giver or doer.” ~ Lucius Annaeus Seneca
What a great filter for giving.
I don’t expect perfection or complete abandonment of my own interests, as I am human after all. I am going to consciously give, tapping into what the receiver really wants or needs regardless of what I may want or need.
What did I want or need out of tipping this guy?
I wanted to: feel great, feel wealthy, and avoid being embarrassed, being judged, ruining this guy’s day, and going to hell.
It had nothing to do with the $5.00. Withholding it was actually the gift the delivery guy needed, a wake-up call that you cannot work in that manner and expect to get tipped and stay employed. It just wasn’t a easy, “feel good” result for me.
This realization of giving has changed everything for me.
I have am now aware of my intentions so my giving can be for the right reasons.
Then a gift, is really a gift.
I’m no longer proud to be a giver.
I’m a person giving with good intentions.
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May your week be filled with love and light,